I
am constantly dumbfounded by how people dress for a court appearance. Were I
about to appear as a litigant in front of a judge or magistrate, I would want
to make the best impression possible. To do so, I would include in my strategy
an attempt to look at least respectable. I would want the court folks to take
me seriously and to feel as though I was treating them with respect.
I
recently heard a discussion of men's fashions through history on NPR. The
individual being interviewed suggested that the rule of the day was decreasing
formality. He predicted that, within a very few years, the only men wearing
neckties on a regular basis would be ministers and lawyers!!
Personally,
I like to be comfortable. Having a silk noose knotted tightly around my neck is
not comfortable, and, on most days I wear a sport shirt and perhaps a sweater
in the office, unless I am going to court. On days that I am not expecting to
see a client (like today), jeans fill the bill.
I
do not suggest that individuals appearing in court need to be "dressed
up." However, some of the outfits I have seen are about as "dressed
down" as you can get. One of my favorites from my experience on the bench
was the defendant who appeared in front of me on a contempt citation for
failure to pay his child support. His t-shirt was emblazoned with a drawing of
two pigs apparently in the throes of copulation. The caption under the picture:
"Makin' Bacon." Very impressive.
I
think that a video recorder placed at the entrance to the Courthouse and
operated for an entire day would generate a great deal of entertainment for the
viewers, generated by the fashion choices of some of the litigants and
witnesses entering the doors. Perhaps the people who produce "Duck
Dynasty" or the "People of Wal-Mart" would be interested in
converting the video into a regular reality show.
However,
not all people look their worst for court. In particular, I have noticed that
some women appear looking very good for their final divorce or dissolution
hearings. Sort of a nose-thumbing to the men who are cast aside, or did the
casting. One experience, however, really takes the cake.
I
was running through the normal morning docket of uncontested divorces when a
couple approached with their lawyers for a final hearing. The woman appeared in
what I would call a "little black dress" – nothing fancy, but very
nice. However, when I looked at the assortment of lawyers assembled in the back
of the courtroom waiting for their cases to be called, I noted a level of
whispering and quiet hilarity that was out of the ordinary.
After
I granted their divorce and the parties turned to walk away, the mystery was
solved. The dress had virtually no back, exposing the very top of the young
woman's gluteal cleft. After she left the courtroom, Harriet, my bailiff,
walked up to me and said, "She bought that dress at Frederick's for
Court!"
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