Work it Out

I know a lot of Family Law judges, magistrates, and lawyers. They all have one thing in common; distaste for cases where care of children is the central and bitter issue. We have all seen horrible, destructive, drawn out, expensive custody fights that result in emotional damage to parents and children and make it virtually impossible for the parents to cooperate in any way after the case has been decided.

And many custody cases just never go away. The residual animosity and the continuing conflicts lead to repeated trips back to court to fight some more.

Soon after I became a Domestic Relations judge, I developed an approach to custody cases that I hoped would work. When parents appeared in front of me for the first time, usually for a pretrial hearing, I would note that custody was at issue and then ask them if they really wanted to abdicate their responsibilities to care for their children to me, a total stranger, rather than making decisions about the children's care themselves. "After all," I would tell them, "I don't know anything about your kids and I sure wouldn't want a stranger to determine how to care for my children." Then I would send them and their lawyers out of the courtroom to discuss how their dispute might be resolved.

It almost never worked. Clearly, some other tactic was necessary. Then I met Dr. Susan Steinman who had recently come to Columbus to work for Children's Hospital Guidance Center. A mutual friend thought we might have some things to discuss and we ended up having lunch. We discussed two programs that might help parents sort out for themselves how to care for their children after a divorce.

The first concept was Parental Education, a program designed to bring understanding to parents about the impact of divorce on their children. Research by Dr. Judith Wallerstein clearly indicated that the children who do the best following divorce are those blessed by low-conflict parents. Conversely, the children of high-conflict parents suffer greatly. A good parental education program could help parents understand the impact of their actions on their children.

The second concept was Custody Mediation. Parents would be assisted by a neutral, trained mediator to reach a resolution of their custody conflict by themselves. By formulating and then owning the parenting plan, parents and their children were far more likely to comply with the plan than one imposed upon them by the court.

By the time we finished our lunch, I was convinced. The Franklin County Domestic Relations Court would establish and require participation in a parental education class, and the court would establish a mandatory mediation program for divorcing parents.

The first step was to garner the support of my fellow judges, which was not difficult to do since custody cases were deplored by all of us. We were ready to try almost anything to ameliorate the problem. The next step, however, was more daunting: How to convince the Domestic Relations lawyers that these changes should be made?

We decided to convene a meeting of the lawyers who practiced regularly in our court. At the meeting, I announced that we were going to institute a Parental Education Program and a mandatory Mediation Program, and we wanted both the support and guidance of the lawyers in the design of the programs. Although there were certainly some dissenters, the overwhelming majority of the lawyers saw the merit in the proposals and expressed their support.

We formed committees to actually design the programs. The Parental Education Program would be a three hour session, required of all divorcing parents with children. It was offered frequently at the Courthouse and conducted by a team from Children's Hospital Guidance Center with materials they developed. The cost would be underwritten by a small increase in court costs required to file a divorce action.

Constructing the mediation component proved more complex. Eventually, it was decided that the Court's magistrates, upon identifying a custody dispute, could order the parties to participate in at least one mediation session. Since formal mediation training was not yet available, standards for attorneys and mental health professionals to serve as mediators were established. The program was off and running!

Both parental education and mediation have evolved over the last 25 years; however, both remain fixtures of the Court's approach to assisting parents to resolve their child-centered disputes in the most constructive way possible.